It’s been over a year since I’ve added a chapter to the Emanon’s Journey blog. It’s been a very difficult story for me to relate, up until now. In my daily life, the events which happened to “Emanon” are very far behind me, out of mind, and a world apart from my current reality. Writing about those days means reliving them - tearing myself out of where I am now, and dropping myself into a place that is sometimes painful beyond telling.

Putting myself into the right frame of mind has to be possible for me at the time, or I simply can’t write about it all. Hence - the long pause between chapters.

The chapter that comes after this one will make a transition from the earlier Georgia/”running and hiding” days, to when I met Doug, my husband. It should be a considerably easier chapter to write, and should not take me nearly as long to complete.

Those of you who haven’t read anything over on Emanon’s Journey yet, please don’t begin with this newest chapter. Try to begin at the beginning, which explains what the blog is all about, or at least begin with the “story” itself: “Such a Rainy Night in Georgia - Part 1.” That will give you more of an idea of what the blog is all about. Jumping into this latest post cold and unprepared … will just make it hard for you to understand what’s going on.

Years ago, I began to write an autobiography, knowing that if I could set things down the way they all happened - the abuse, the kidnapping, etc., that I would make a fortune if I could get the completed telling into the right hands. In less than a week, I abandoned the project. It was too painful, too difficult to relive. The immensely abbreviated version on the Emanon blog is difficult enough in the telling, although decades have passed since my first effort, and the events seem almost unreal - like someone else’s memories - when I think of them. Writing about them in detail, however, is another story, and unfolding those details as would be necessary in a book - is impossible for me.

And so - here I am, stretching my boundaries. Much of this is stuff that my closest friends don’t have the details of. How much easier it is to share the most painful, devastating details which a person’s memories harbor when doing so through the written word - especially when launching that word onto a large, nameless, faceless sea … than it is to sit in front of one quiet,attentive listener. There can be an amazing amount of anonymity and privacy in such a public medium.

If you haven’t heard from me, and you’re part of the medical blogosphere - it could be that I can’t put my hands on your email address! (Carrie, for one!!!) Please drop me a note if you want to know more about the forum. :o)

In the course of all of the upset over our dear Dr. Flea and our irrepressible Fat Doctor (YEAH!), I got an email from Cathy with more sad news. Dr. Dork, our poet blogger from Australia, has set his blog to private.

Four days - three blogging colleagues.

I researched the links which were left for me in the last post (thank you Mama Mia!) … and as I did, the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach kept rising. There’s an atmosphere of fear across the medical blogosphere.

In my meanderings yesterday, here are a few things I ran across. This really deserve some serious thought:

Found on Dr. Rob’s wonderful blog:

[…] I was called into the office of one of our attendings because the parent of a child was angry at me. I had made an off-hand comment on the elevator about a certain medication being worthless. We were just talking shop and doing our usual resident strutting. Apparently, this parent had felt that the drug that fell under my derision had done wonders for their child. They were so upset about this that they took down my name and told the attending of my waywardness. I thought this was ridiculous. If I had said that I don’t like Ford Escorts, would I have been pulled aside and chided because the child was brought to the hospital in a Ford Escort? I was voicing an opinion. It is certainly the parent’s right to disagree and even get angry, but I have equal right to hold and express my opinion.

I think some people feel it is their job to get offended. They look for ways to feel pain from innocent statements and then blame the person who made the statement for callousness. There is nothing wrong with talking about our lives, and even our frustrations with other people. We need to be sensitive in how we do it, but so does everyone. I would not talk about my neighbor any more harshly or openly than I do a patient. It is just plain courtesy.

[…]

My partners know I blog. My staff knows I blog. My wife and my Mom know I blog. If my patients ask, I give them the URL of my blog. I am me on my blog - faults and all. Some people out there seem to think that medical professionals aren’t just normal people. Thanks to the “professionally offended,” we are losing voices of real people doing hard jobs.

This is ironic, given the popularity of the new book: How Doctors Think. People want an author to tell them how doctors think, but God forbid that the doctors themselves should say how they think!

From over at BabyMedic:

I have never written about a patient or a call in a manner that I thought would enable direct identification of that person. All of the written names are pseudonyms, locations are changed (if they are mentioned at all), and I have done my best to be ambiguous, if not facetious, about demographic type details. I am familiar with the HIPAA regulations and I have taken great efforts to make sure my entries here are in accordance with them. It is my strong belief that the details I have written here cannot be used to determine the identity of any of my patients, through either direct or indirect means. These are the guidelines that I have written my entries by, and reading through the archives, I have not strayed.

From PDXEMT over at Drug-Induced Hallucinations:

While I greatly enjoy blogging, certain events recently have led me to believe that even though I am following HIPAA standards and protecting patient privacy, this may not protect my job.

And a “Twitter” from Vijay:

Remind me where it says ‘Land of the Free & Home of the Brave.” Declaration of Independence or the Constitution or Grimm’s fairy tales!

I’ve been telling my son about what’s happened, and he had an idea. He’s going to install a Forum for us, which will have open areas for anyone to write in, but will also have closed areas that no outsiders can access - not even the search engine spiders, and will only be accessible by the direct invitation of someone in that part of the forum. I’ll post a link to it as soon as it’s ready. Honest and open talk will be possible in there. The “closed rooms” will truly be bug free. It will be up to the people in each private segment to allow/disallow individuals who inquire about joining. We need a safe place to regroup, pull together, and fight back.

Blogdom Medical Hospital … (complete with doctors’ lounges, nurses’ stations, patient rooms, a public cafeteria served by a real life chef, and lots more) … coming soon to a location near you!

You know, I can’t help but wonder what “they” think they can do to our Dr. Flea.

1. He always said what he thought …
2. I’ve never seen him be “arbitrary.” He always had a reason for what he believed.
3. He based his beliefs on what he felt was best for his patients
4. He was always careful to not stomp on anyone else’s rights.
5. He blogged anonymously, for heaven’s sake! Anonymously!!!
6. He never named his patients … or posted anything we could identify them through.

When I stop to think of all of that, I can’t help but feel a little scared. If they can make Flea take down his blog, or make him feel as if he has to take down his blog, then I don’t think that any of us are safe.

I’m not anonymous … anyone who really wants to can find my name, place of birth, and the name of the town I live in, all buried in my blog. I’ve been as outspoken as our dear Flea, where my own areas of interest are concerned … …

Wait! What’s what you’re saying? You’re saying: “But MOOF! You’re NOT A DOCTOR!”

Ohhh yeah! That’s right! I’m not a doctor. I shouldn’t have to worry then, right? Give that some thought, people, because that’s even scarier …

If you and I can say what we want - unmolested - certain of our right to express ourselves, certain that what we say is not going to be used against us as long as we don’t harass or abuse other people, then why would belonging to medicine change the rules? Aren’t doctors allowed to have their say? How about anonymously???

If it doesn’t bother you, disturb you deeply, even frighten you, that in the US today, our physicians can’t even blog anonymously without facing some sort of legal retribution or inquiry, then you just don’t understand the implications of what’s happening.

This is not justice, friends. Since when does an entire class of people have to live in fear of expressing themselves openly in this country???

I’m going to research, and begin to keep a list of all of the physician bloggers (and nurses?) who’ve been forced to either quit blogging, or go private. I would like to know just how extensive this problem is. I would like to know how extensive OUR problem is - because when an entire class of people are oppressed, with their basic rights abridged, it’s our collective problem!

I’m going to become Detective Moof … (Hey! I like the sound of that! :o) … and I’ll report back with what I find. It may be time to start exposing those who would fatten themselves by feeding on people who spend their lives in service to others. Yes, mistakes happen, and sometimes - those mistakes can be tragic. Wherever there are human beings, there will be mistakes. I once had one doc tell me that he was convinced that my three other docs were “trying to do away with” me … imagine what a mean spirited person could have done with that! Wow! I’d be debt free, if I didn’t have a conscience … and some lawyer someplace would probably have a new boat.

Anyway, leave me comments on anyone you know who isn’t blogging anymore, or has gone private, and who is part of the medical profession. Let’s see what we discover …

I’m sorry, but I can’t be silent. I just can’t.

Yesterday, my dear friend Dr. Flea took down his blog, and is retreating from the medical blogosphere. Anyone who’s read Flea knows that he is a passionate, caring person. He throws himself heart and soul into whatever he does. His blog had no details identifying him - or his patients - but now its gone.

Today, another friend, Fat Doctor, felt compelled to do the same thing, when a coworker printed out her blog, and presented FD’s boss with it. He was kind and understanding, telling her that he wouldn’t interfere, but she was so hurt that she took it down anyway.

I want to know why!!! Why would people do something like that? Jealousy on the one hand? Perhaps greed on the other? Maybe it’s the feeling of being able to wield some sort of power over another person by being able to hurt them where they’re tender?

Why is it that those who belong to the profession noted for its service to suffering humanity are not allowed to be tired, have lives of their own, have occasional bad days, not feel well, be in a bad mood, make mistakes, have personal worries, or maintain a blog? Even an anonymous blog?

We live in an age that ridicules all good things. People have become so selfish and self centered that they immediately suspect anyone who appears to care about them. “Ah! He’s a doctor! He only wants me to go see him so he can pay off his Mercedes!” Are we so jaded that we have to snuff out every altruistic thought that has the temerity to appear naked before us?

Aren’t we aware that our physicians are human beings who deserve the same freedoms the rest of us enjoy? Freedom to blog anonymously … freedom to express their opinions publicly … freedom to have something to relax into at the end of a long, harrowing day?

Do we have to take every good thing we find and abuse it until it becomes as bent and twisted as we are?

I hope that both of my friends can come back into the medical blogosphere soon … and that whatever madness is going around dies down quickly!

What goes around, comes around. We’d do well to remember that when taking aim at those who spend their lives in service to others. Not too many of us will go through life without needing to rely on these very same people. Let’s hope that when that time comes, there are are still a few left out there who are willing to take the heat.