Anguished Angle on the English Language
I once had a wonderful book named “Anguish Languish.” I treasured the book, and whenever I needed a lighter moment, I would snag the volume and vanish into a little corner somewhere … to read, snicker and chuckle away to my heart’s content.
About 15 years ago, I lent the book to a … *cough* … “friend” who enjoyed it so much that he forgot to give it back! *blink*
A few days ago, I was absolutely delighted to not only find the complete book on the internet, but also to discover that the copyright on the book expired more than 20 years ago!
I’m occasionally going to include selections from the dear book for your edification … beginning with one of my favorites: a piece from the section on Furry Tells.
Ladle Rat Rotten Hut
WANTS PAWN TERM DARE WORSTED LADLE GULL HOE LIFT wetter murder inner ladle cordage honor itch offer lodge, dock, florist. Disk ladle gull orphan worry Putty ladle rat cluck wetter ladle rat hut, an fur disk raisin pimple colder Ladle Rat Rotten Hut.
Wan moaning Ladle Rat Rotten Hut’s murder colder inset:
“Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, heresy ladle basking winsome burden barter an shirker cockles. Tick disk ladle basking tutor cordage offer groin-murder hoe lifts honor udder site offer florist. Shaker lake! Dun stopper laundry wrote! Dun stopper peck floors! Dun daily-doily inner florist, an yonder nor sorghum-stenches, dun stopper torque wet strainers.”
“Hoe-cake, murder,” resplendent Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, an tickle ladle basking an stuttered oft.
Honor wrote tutor cordage offer groin-murder, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut mitten anomalous woof.
“Wail, wail, wail!” set disk wicket woof, “Evanescent Ladle Rat Rotten Hut Wares are putty ladle gull goring wizard ladle basking?”
“Armor goring tumor groin-murder’s,” reprisal ladle gull. “Grammar’s seeking bet. Armor ticking arson burden barter an shirker cockles.”
“0 hoe! Heifer gnats woke,” setter wicket woof, butter taught tomb shelf, “Oil tickle shirt court tutor cordage offer groin-murder. Oil ketchup wetter letter, an den– O bore!”
Soda wicket woof tucker shirt court, an whinny retched a cordage offer groin-murder, picked inner windrow, an sore debtor pore oil worming worse lion inner bet. Inner flesh, disk abdominal woof lipped honor bet, paunched honor pore oil worming, an garbled erupt. Den disk ratchet ammonol pot honor groin-murder’s nut cup an gnat-gun, any curdled ope inner bet.
Inner ladle wile, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut a raft attar cordage, an ranker dough ball. “Comb ink, sweat hard,” setter wicket woof, disgracing is verse.
Ladle Rat Rotten Hut entity bet rum, an stud buyer groin-murder’s bet.
“O Grammar!” crater ladle gull historically, “Water bag icer gut! A nervous sausage bag ice!”
“Battered lucky chew whiff, sweat hard,” setter bloat-Thursday woof, wetter wicket small honors phase.
O, Grammar, water bag noise! A nervous sore suture anomalous prognosis!”
“Battered small your whiff, doling,” whiskered dole woof, ants mouse worse waddling.
“0 Grammar, water bag mouser gut! A nervous sore suture bag mouse!”
Daze worry on-forger-nut ladle gull’s lest warts. Oil offer sodden, caking offer carvers an sprinkling otter bet, disk hoard-hoarded woof lipped own pore Ladle Rat Rotten Hut an garbled erupt.
MURAL: Yonder nor sorghum stenches shut ladle gulls stopper torque wet strainers.
September 28th, 2007 at 10:59 pm
I’ll have to give this some serious thought! Huh?
September 29th, 2007 at 12:19 am
Hint: read it out loud. Let me translate just a little:
Furry Tells = Fairy Tales
Ladle Rat Rotten Hut = Little Red Riding Hood
If you read it out loud, other people can actually tell what you’re saying … and if you pay attention to the sounds, rather than the words, you begin to see what’s going on.
Here’s the first line to get you started:
“WANTS (Once) PAWN (upon) TERM (a time) DARE (there) WORSTED (was a) LADLE (little) GULL (girl) HOE (who) LIFT (lived) wetter (with her) murder (mother) inner (in a) ladle (little) cordage (cottage) honor (on an) itch (edge) offer (of a) lodge (large), dock (dark), florist (forest).”
Good luck! :o)
September 29th, 2007 at 5:10 am
Geesh Moof, I’m up at 5am. and couldn’t sleep to decided to read. You darn near gave me a heart attack looking at this at 5am! I thought I’d had a stroke! ;)
September 29th, 2007 at 10:18 am
Ha, ha, Moof….that was personally a funny demonstration of my own brain quirk where auditory comprehension far exceeds visual. I’m sure it works for most people, but for me the effect was instant and quite striking. Gave me a good laugh, too.
September 29th, 2007 at 10:21 am
I realized before I opened the comments that this was “Little Red Riding Hood.” But it isn’t going to sound like the story that we all know if I read it out loud. The accent isn’t going to be right.
Wonderful find Moofie.
And I see that you intend to hoard it and loan it out in little pieces.
How about giving us a link to where you found it?
September 29th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
Angel … what an awful thing to run into at 5 AM! I’m sure it must have blown the rest of your day to ladle bets … I mean, little bits! I hope that you’ve since recovered, and are able to casket ladle nip later today! ;o)
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MedRecGal … my husband and I used to read these out loud to each other when we needed a good laugh. It always sounded like someone with about a dozen different foreign accents trying to read a language they’d never heard. Some of the results were pretty funny! Glad you enjoyed it! :o)
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Vijay … I bet if you were to read it all out loud, it would come out just fine, because you have excellent English. I’m happy to see that you caught on right away … but I have to say that I’m not really surprised! *LOL*
More of the “loaned bits and pieces” coming quite soon …
September 29th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
[...] time, I posted a Furry Tell, this time I’ll share something from the “Lath thing thumb thongs” section [...]