He was trusted with people’s deepest fears … their deepest, darkest secrets. He was trusted to bring healing to those who were considered beyond being helped. He was trusted to love - unconditionally - everyone who crossed his path.
And there was a reason for that trust.
Wherever he went, whoever he touched, remembered him - his touch … its effect on their lives.
I saw things come through this man which defied my understanding. The cripple walked, the blind saw … an old Irish lady regained a lost life … hardened spirits were healed … he fluttered on colorful butterfly wings and spread his glow to all who asked … and he was trusted, and loved.
I know, because I trusted him, and I loved him.
I was drawn into his circle of love and healing, and helped him to feed his broken and despairing followers … and as I watched him reach out his healing hands, in awe I trusted him, and I loved him along with all of the others.
His butterfly wings carried him for a while to a green country across the sea, and while he was there, he was trusted, and he was loved. He became so trusted and so loved … that he needed protection from his adoring faithful, who would certainly have taken him apart to bring pieces of him home as a talisman - a talisman that was capable of giving life where there was death, and of bringing hope where hope had long since died …
And I missed him while he was there, because he was my spiritual father, and because I trusted him, and I loved him.
When he finally fluttered back home, I drew him into my circle, and tried to cover everyone around me with his healing touch … because I trusted him, and I loved him.
Fleeting friend … heart breaking … but still, I trusted him, and I loved him.
Then came a day when bastions of trust were crumbling from one end of the world to the other. Although the absolvers of men’s deepest secrets became repositories of tales never repeated, their own secrets began to emerge … first in tiny dribbles, and then in a nauseating flood of mind-numbing reality.
My friend … my spiritual father … seemed to be caught in this deluge of filthy, muddy waters … and I cried for him.
And still, I trusted him, and I loved him.
Night time only lasts for a while, and then the sunlight crests the horizon of our awareness, and casts its long, revealing rays on what was once mercifully hidden in the darkness …
With shattered trust, I still loved him.
They tore off his wings, bound his hands, and encased him in mortar and stone. From a colorful butterfly that everyone wanted to grasp, he had become a source of derision, a thing despised … an outcast.
And still, I loved him.
But the love had changed … it was no longer a love full of wonder and awe, but the sad love a friend feels for another friend when the inevitability of past actions comes home to crush the soul.
For months, I tried to bring a bit of joy to this friend, encased in mortar and stone … because I could remember that this friend, this human being, in spite of his mistakes, had given so much of himself to so many in such an unselfish and healing way …
It hurt to think that the hands which had brought healing and life to some, had also brought pain and brokenness to others. But don’t we each, in our own way, follow that same path? Don’t we each, in our own way, bring life and love to some, and hurt and pain to others?
We are, none of us, above the human condition …
He wanted to
hear one song before dying … no one else was there to try … the adoring crowd had vanished.
He told me: “The chorus keeps echoing in my mind, over and over. I wish I remembered all the words!”
For the first time since I’d known him, I was unable to give him the music he asked of me … but I told him the words, and watched them impact his understanding. He realized that he wasn’t alone, he wasn’t forgotten … even as his now frail body weakened, falling to the harsh conditions surrounding him.
Too soon afterward, when I went to drag just a bit of sunlight into his gray, chill world, I was told that he was no longer there. His spirit had broken the fetters, grown new wings … and no one would ever encase him in cold, hard stone and mortar again.
And I thought about him through my tears, and I wondered what he had felt just before the end … what he’d thought … if he’d realized that he was finally getting his wish - to be free again. I wondered if he knew that I understood, because I am human too, and that in the end, I still trusted him, and I still loved him.
And this is my tribute to you, my dear friend, wherever you are now. Yes, you did things which caused some people a great deal of pain and agony … but you also gave so many - so much beauty, hope and healing. Now that you’re gone, I’m going to focus on the beauty. You’ve paid your dues. Now fly! Fly away!
A Newsy Mishmash:
Easing Slowly Into Blogging:
My Absentee Note: