Well, I didn’t chicken out … I actually did go. Had a heck of a time making it happen, though …

I usually start my day very slowly. I might be awake really early, but I’m not running up and down the stairs. This morning, I woke up at 5:30, and tried to go from 0 to 50 right off, and it didn’t work well. That, added to the fact that I was getting ready to do something which made the rest of my hair want to go white … made for an interesting morning.

The stairs to the bathroom always leave me winded, and this morning, it seemed a bit worse than usual. I blamed that part on the hour, and not being able to lounge for the better part of the morning without having to get too active. It was not only a bit worse than usual, I guess … it was a lot worse than usual. I was also nervous. Made for a bad mixture. Worshiped the porcelain god for a while … it was an inauspicious start to my day.

Once I was finally presentable, I sat with my lap top, in my PJs. At 6:30 I thought - “I really should get ready to go.” At 6:40 I thought - “If I don’t get going soon, I won’t be going at all, because I won’t have time to get dressed.” At 6:45, I was still sitting there, with 15 minutes left before I had to go out the door. I wasn’t dressed, didn’t have my contacts in … by this time, I was having a bit of a problem with “fight or flight.” Flight was winning.

An email made a chiming sound as it hit my inbox, and I looked to see who it was from - one of my very kind blog friends, with just enough empathy in it to tip me back over in the other direction. I got up, dressed … and tried to leave. No car keys. I investigated my husband’s pants pockets … nope … I finally had to wake my son … yup. Car keys in hand, I headed out into a crisp, frosty morning, and almost busted my kiester on the ice before getting into the car. When I got in, I realized that I was encased in ice - there was no seeing out of any of the windows. I had to get back out and scrape windows, hanging on to the car as I did, because the entire area was icy and uneven.

Heart pounding, I got back into the car, started it, and saw that the gas was on empty. Folks … I almost went back into the house at that point. When that car says it’s on empty … it’s empty! I’m one of those really anal people who can’t stand the idea of being late, and I always leave myself a lot of time … however, this time I had waited until the last minute to dress, gone on a key hunt, had to scrape the car … there was not going to be enough time to stop in a gas station. I just had to hope I could get to where I was going.

The gas did get me there. It’s a huge building - full of physicians’ offices and labs. I’ve seen two other physicians there in the past, and had an idea of the layout, but knew that it could take me a while to find the right place. I arrived at the desk of the right office without an extra second to spare. Not the way I like to do things!

Of course, I was given the usual forms to fill out, but before I could get a page done, I was interrupted by someone who wanted a specimen, since they knew I had a UTI from my phone call. That done, I was immediately ushered into an exam room, weighed (10 pounds less than I thought I weighed! w00t! ;o) … BP’ed (not bad at all! I think it was about 155, but the diastolic was higher than usual when my BP is that low) … and allowed to continue filling out those awful forms. I got another two words written … when there was a tap at the door.

My moment of truth had arrived! *LOL*

The gentleman who walked in was handsome, well presented, and spoke with a lovely English accent. The first impression: he charmed me off my feet! Good start. Although my first impression was never shattered, things went downhill from there. He asked questions that I wasn’t well prepared to answer, but I did my best. Answers to some of the questions made him want to do an EKG … and he had one of his nurses do just that. Afterward, he showed me some of the places on the EKG which he didn’t like, and much to my horror and dismay, he wanted me to report to the emergency room, and be quick about it, too.

All I could think was: “Oh poop! Here we go again!” My first visit with the last fellow ended up the same way, only I’d refused to go. It took him 2 days to convince me. *cringe*

Today however, I just did what I was told the first time … sort of in a haze … but I did it. The hospital is 1/2 block from the offices … so it was a quick jaunt.

The nurse was kind enough to put in the line in the back of my hand instead of the inside of my elbow. The latter wouldn’t be a problem for a few hours, but it’s an absolutely rotten place to put an IV if you got yourself a conscious patient who’s going to have to hang around for a while.

They did another EKG, hooked me up to a monitor, did chest X-rays, and a renal ultrasound. I have to go back tomorrow for a stress test. I’m also supposed to call the nephrologist’s office … (”Dr. Simper is the one who replaced Dr. ExNephrologist, and we want you to make an appointment with her …” *sigh*) a Cardiologists’ office, and my new Primary care in the next few days.

There was a bit of news that I was surprised to hear, because I didn’t think I had been doing that badly, but apparently my creatinine has gained a bit, more than a full point and a half, since my last labs in November. The ultrasound showed no blockage this time, and that led the ER doc to tell me that he thought my kidney was deteriorating. That wasn’t particularly reassuring.

Anyway, I dragged into the house late in the afternoon, and sweet hubby ran out to get my prescriptions - for the HTN, and for the UTI. My only concern now is that I don’t remember what my old Nephrologist told me about that particular antibiotic. During one visit with him, he had said that he thought my other doctors (PCP, and two urologists from different hospitals) were trying to “do away with” me with their choices and dosages of antibiotics. Beginning with an already elevated creatinine, I hope that’s not the case this time.

And so, there you have it. I’ve been seriously considering changing primary care physician since early 2005 … and now I’ve actually done it. My first impression of him - is positive, but how things work out remains to be seen. I need to be able to overcome my panic at the thought of actually getting nose to nose with someone and admitting what’s wrong … and he needs to be patient with me while I struggle with myself to accomplish that.

Now - I climb aboard the rollercoaster one more time. I’d gotten away from doc’s visits and monthly lab work … periodic extra tests … the referrals to specialists … trying to tell strangers things I don’t tell my closest friends and family. Hope this latest ride isn’t too awfully wild …

Thanks for all of the encouragement. I’m still not entirely happy with myself for putting up these two posts, but the feedback has made it all worthwhile.

Posted: Tuesday, March 27th, 2007 at 12:29 am under: Health & Medicine, The Nitty Gritty. Comment Feed (RSS 2.0). Interact: Comment or Trackback.