Anonymity and Trust … Are They Mutually Exclusive?
On Wednesday night, after exchanging emails with a few other bloggers, I began writing this post. I had quite a bit written - about a hypothetical situation centered around a non-existent wanna-be mommy-blogger. It expressed my point quite well, but after reading the latest blog post of a dear blogger friend, I decided that I really needed to take a different approach to such a serious subject.
In the last year, the Medical Blogosphere has seen some ups and downs. We’ve lost a few people, gained a lot of people, had bloggers taking more or less friendly pot shots at each other over a variety of issues, been beset by hordes of trolling malpractice lawyers, and taken down the garden path by mere teeny-boppers. We’ve had our blogs plagiarized for financial gain … and discovered that spam wasn’t only meant for inboxes and Hawaiian musubi …
It’s been quite a year. Through it all, we’ve gotten to know one another better, and I think that we’ve become quite a nice little community. We’ve come through a lot … and we’ve pulled together, supporting each other through the bad times. Sometimes though … I think we forget what’s really important …
Over the last week, I heard from two blogger friends; each of the two presented me with opposite sides of the same issue, and both had valid points. What made the situation so intense for me is that I really care for both of them, and just wanted to see things turn out in such a way that no one would be damaged, traumatized … or alienated.
As of this moment, it looks like all three may have happened … and perhaps to both of my friends.
There’s so much that I’d like to say about the subject that I honestly don’t know where to begin …
The basic issue appears to be: physicians - and other medical personnel - engender a level of trust which is above and beyond the norm. In a general way, there’s no doubt about the veracity behind that statement. Many of us have been known to admit things to physicians (or nurses, or ER techs … etc. … ) that we would never consider saying to even our closest friends and family members.
I need to point out that they’re not the only ones, though … priests, rabbis and ministers receive a similar quality of “trust” as a group. If we do a bit more thinking, I’m sure we could add even more groups to the “trusted” category.
That trust, some people feel, deserves some sort of reciprocity, and I agree. When I visit a physician, I want to be certain that he’s the real thing. I want to be able to examine his credentials before he takes it upon himself to stuff me full of drugs, or cut me open to fish around for whatever’s gumming up the works.
I might even be excused for wanting to know how well he did in medschool … and how many other patients with my particular medical problem he’s treated, and how well they made out under his care …
To stretch that even further - I feel that I can also question his character - just as I can the character of anyone I meet, under any circumstances.
However …
I have no business asking him what he had for breakast, his wife’s name, where he was born, what color his toilet seat is, and if he has a gay cousin. It’s none of my business if he has any kids … or if he has a dog, or likes to fish and hunt. That’s part of his private life …
When we see physicians, we tap into their knowledge and capabilities to heal our bodies, or help keep us well … the part of them that we are trusting with our lives should be transparent for us … just as we should be transparent for them as patients. However, they are human beings who have lives outside of what they do for a living. They, like the rest of us, have a right to personal privacy.
And there’s another right that they have - freedom of speech. They can write letters, articles, poems, songs … blogs … anything they’d like, just like the rest of us. We have the right to create blogs anonymously … or through a pseudonym … or to let it all hang out … and so do they. They can even write about what they do for a living. Yes, there are regulations they have to follow - HIPAA, for example, but I’m sure that they know quite well that those who cross that line could end up being hurtin’ puppies.
The only time we can demand identification from a physician who has a blog of any flavor whatsoever is if he or she begins to use the blog in an official way - to practice medicine … give out medical advice … or otherwise begin to sell themselves as professionals looking to do business through the blogging media. Then - they’d better drop the “Anonymous” stuff, cause it won’t cut it.
Are we going to demand that everyone who’s gone into a sensitive profession give up their privacy? Are we really going to try to restrict their freedom of speech? Are we going to demand that they always stand naked before us? “Everyone else can write anonymously, but not you!” And once we’ve done that to physicians, who’s next? Priests, rabbis, ministers … ?
If we’re going to do that, we also need to define anonymity, because putting up a photo and a name doesn’t make a blogger any less anonymous than using no name, and no photo at all. I know quite a few docs who don’t blog. There’s one that I hope to hit up soon for a podcast interview for this blog who had to ask a fellow doctor in the room “What’s a blog?” … the other physician didn’t know either. Anyone with an interest in deceiving people could use his name and likeness on a blog - and unless someone who happened to know who he was ran across it, the blogger could get away with it for quite a while, if he was circumspect enough when creating his posts. A name and a face are meaningless until you meet someone nose to nose … and even then, you could still be deceived.
This past summer, the “Naked Tomato” episode taught me a lot of excellent, but difficult, lessons. One of the lessons which I learned is that Anonymous bloggers are not a threat … unless I allow them to be. I can make them become a threat by trusting them more than the online relationship warrants. In that case, they’re not the threat - I am … I become a threat to myself. I’m not saying “don’t trust anyone online” … there are a few of you out there in blogland who know things about me that I don’t speak about with my own family. The issue here isn’t anonymity - we’re all anonymous to a degree in blogs - the core consideration is trust, and how far to take that trust. Sometimes you reach out to someone, and when you bring your hand back, it’s full of wonderful things - friendship, understanding, compassion … but sometimes, you bring your hand back only to realize that you’re shy a few fingers …
And that’s just the way life is - in any venue.
Personally, I’ve always felt that the benefits of reaching out in trust and acceptance outweighed the occasional disappointments. So far, I still have enough fingers left to hold the goodness that I’ve received from the friendships I’ve made online … and they’ve been considerable.
If you take the time to get to know the spirit of a person - that part of them that transcends their writing, their looks, their faith, their nationality, their age, and even their attitudes … you can begin to get a glimpse of the pure person behind the persona. Get to know them, slowly … develop a feeling for what they are … and that will tell you who they are. After a while, you’ll know who you can trust, and who you should just enjoy from a distance. That they have - or don’t have - a “name” won’t make a lot of difference - since what you’ll understand about them will be so much more than merely knowing a person’s moniker.
Now, I’m not quite done. There is one more facet of anonymity that I feel I should explore, because it also relates to the reason I’m writing this post …
Anonymity is nothing by itself. It’s only what we make of it - or do with it. Sometimes though, what we choose to do with it can be really ugly.
There’s a certain class of people who seem to enjoy hiding in the shadows of anonymity while taking low, crude, unkind and unfair pot shots at other people. They seem to crawl out of the woodwork whenever there’s a controversy of some sort … like the one we’re having now in our little corner of the blogosphere. I don’t know if it’s because they figure that they can do as they please, because no one knows who they are … but they should realize that they’re branding themselves as cowardly snipers. In my own mind … I’ve got them classified as belonging to blog-layer that’s just below comment spammers. In meatspace, they’d be the lowlives who leave nasty spray painted graffiti all over the place.
My recommendation is to ignore them. Delete the comments, and don’t think about them again. If you have WordPress - ban their IP. You don’t need them as readers. Let them go dirty up some other part of the blogosphere with their cowardly vitriol.
It’s really hard to take something like that very seriously, anyway.
And now, my wish for our little corner of the blogosphere is for everyone who’s been hurt by this latest storm to heal, move on … and keep blogging. Sometimes, we just forget what’s important …
Defend your blog from theft!
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:50 pm
Ah Moof, you stay away so long I begin to think I have lost you. Then you come out with a post like this. You said this much better than what I ever could. BTW, I have been dying to send you an email, but I have thought it not wise because of how busy you have been.
I am sick at heart over the Dr. Anonymous stuff. But, He will rise above this and be the winner in the end. He just has to decide how he wants to go on from here.
I have learned to take things over the internet with a grain of salt. I have made wonderful friends here, and even though, there are times that I think I want to just delete my blog and forget that I ever had one, i can’t do it. My true friends I can’t walk away from. It took me a year to learn how this blogging really works. I am not naive to it like in the beginning. I know all of us have learned from your experiences. If nothing else Moof, it can all be racked up as a learning experience.
I hope you are taking good care of yourself? I can’t wait until you are back full time!
((Hugz))
February 3rd, 2007 at 4:12 pm
So well said Moof. It’s amazing to me how I have come to feel for some of you. How at times I’ll hope each of you are doing fine in your lives outside the blog sphere. I even worry over some I’ve come to care for, as I find myself doing now. I realize I’m new, and it takes time for people to come to understand the real spirit behind the persona. I’ve cherished those that have given me a chance and have connected with me, as did Dr.A. If you read this Dr.A. you know we stand by you. Thanks also Moof for your friendship.
February 3rd, 2007 at 8:34 pm
Hey Moof…
Good job.
Now…
Where are those rascals so I can hunt them down like the dogs they are.
later…
February 3rd, 2007 at 10:01 pm
It.’s a shame that things like this have to be said, but it is very good that when they need to be said we have someone like you who does it so very well. Can you believe it was only one year ago that we meet and you opened the world of blogging for me? Have I ever told you how much I appreciate this world and these friends you have shared so generously. There still are alot of good people out there!
February 4th, 2007 at 7:35 am
Excellent post, Moof, thoughtfully written.
I’ve said a few times that blogging for me is mostly ID, with somewhat proportionally less EGO, and almost no SUPEREGO. (I’ve tossed in a little of the latter in “guilty conscience” mode, but I’ve been warned by many friends and supporters to be careful about doing this - I’m a real doc, after all)
For many commenters, and for our dear above-mentioned vegetable-friend, blogging is mostly ID: the pure un-civilized exhaust of the subconscious. It’s revealing, but often downright ugly.
As for hiding behind anonymity. This is one of the features of blogging that I get such a kick out of. I love the fact that I have such a large, devoted female readership who were originally attracted (still attracted?) to my blog because of the silly picture I chose to represent myself!!!
Keep the blessings coming, Moof, I look forward to seeing you again.
Flea
February 4th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Well expressed, Moof.
Good to see you able to take (even a brief) break from your books and projects.
Regards - Shinga
February 4th, 2007 at 5:26 pm
Great post. Hits the nail on the head. I think it is terrible when someone is blogging anonymously gets “outed”. The crossing of boundaries is reprehensible, to say the least.
February 4th, 2007 at 11:15 pm
I enjoyed your post about the dynamics of trust. I see a parallel in how people blame the media for society’s various ailments… Perhaps the blame lies not in the proliferation of untrustworthy sources of information, but in the lack of personal responsibility in adopting a healthy skepticism.
P.S. I’m a new blogger myself and I was wondering if you’d be willing to take a peek and offer some suggestions. Thanks!
February 5th, 2007 at 9:20 pm
Excellent post, Moof. Think you said it for all of us.
February 6th, 2007 at 4:07 am
Wait…I’m lost. What happened? I can see Dr. A up there. The last time I went there, I commented once about his video blog.
I’ll better go again.
Anonymity is nothing by itself. It’s only what we make of it - or do with it. Sometimes though, what we choose to do with it can be really ugly.
Very well said. Good post!
Can anyone enlighten me? my email : masai_kenya[at]yahoo[dot]com
Thanks.
February 7th, 2007 at 6:39 pm
Long time no be…..
It’s an interesting subject. The whole blogging thing and people’s reaction to it is so complex. I blog under my name, because originally I wanted to have a place to mention my book (having gotten into a little trouble for posting comments on others’sites…) Were it not for that, I’m sure I’d be anonymous. I’ve been around enough now to have gotten a few pretty nasty comments (which I deleted) which let me to wonder about the true-identity thing. One can only wonder about people who have the need personally (and anonymously) to attack others. It’s a sickness of some sort. But then again, so is blogging…
February 7th, 2007 at 8:29 pm
Dr. A. has returned! You can’t keep a good man (or woman) down. So glad he didn’t let them shoo him off.
February 10th, 2007 at 11:25 am
Dear Moof,
I read your post a couple of days ago when we first met on MyBlogLog.com. I appreciate your treatment of the dilemma a professional faces every day. (BTW I am unfamiliar with whatever happened with Dr. A, so if I offend anyone, please know that it’s inadvertent.)
I made a personal decision a long time ago that I would not be anonymous–what you see is what you get–and being “Dr. Neill Neill” has had some funny twists. I’m open with clients; I want them to know me as a person, not just as a psychologist. In my experience being is more important that doing in facilitating emotional/spiritual healing. I nevertheless am very conscious of boundaries.
I had a client once who was horrified when he found out I had been a janitor for 10 years in my youth. The mystique of the Psychologist had been shattered in his mind!
I have a lot of experience with addictions: personal, family, and professional. I found a couple of addiction-related forums, and as usual I registered as myself. Then I offered encouragement to someone in the forum who was dealing with addiction. I got emails from the administrators to but out. Their messages were that since I was a professional, I would be limited to reading the posts, or if I wanted to take part, I would have to register anonymously and hide my identity… I don’t go there anymore.
I know that deciding to be one person, no matter what the context, is one person’s approach, but living as one person has served me well for several decades now. Life has surely been simpler with one identity. But be clear: my path may not be another’s best choice.
Thank you, Mouf, and keep up the good work.
Love and blessings,
Neill
February 11th, 2007 at 9:36 am
An excellent thoughtful and well expressed post.
You’ve done it again!!
You disappear for a long stretch, like some sage who has gone up the mountains to meditate & reflect on the purpose of life…
Then you appear one fine day to share with the rest of us the wisdom that you have gained.
I was lucky that when I reached out I found you first and my hands came back full.
Dear Moof, Thank you.
February 14th, 2007 at 11:10 pm
Happy Valentine’s Day Moof!
March 14th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
Hello, Moof,
You are a real wonder! What you have to say rings so true.
How did you ever get so wise? Love you, Nora