Not Gone
Please forgive me … I didn’t mean to cause speculation and worry …
I’m not gone …
A bit of what’s going on: my son and his wife just moved home the day before yesterday … yesterday I put most of the day into preparing for a final I have to take today … also yesterday, my mother-in-law was admitted to the hospital back at home for CHF, and once I finish my final I’m going to have to drive down to Dover to check on her … and I’m printing out and preparing my material for a new course that begins tomorrow.
And yes, there are other things going on too. I won’t pretend that the business with TNT has had less of an impact than it has. I’ll be more forthcoming in a later post … I’m afraid I’m going to have to settle myself a bit first, though.
For TNT … and for all of you, because you’ve all been involved, and I believe that you all deserve to know how things went down: the gig was up when TNT’s “friend” contacted me anonymously with information, begging me to not say anything to TNT, and telling me that TNT is, indeed, an 18 year old girl. No … it wasn’t because of what this “friend” said, because I don’t pay attention to anonymous commenters or emailers … it was because the IP address came from the same IP address as TNT … exactly. It’s either from the same private network, or perhaps even from the same computer. I wouldn’t be shocked to learn that several parties in this drama have been the same person from the outset, although I can’t be certain of that.
My hope for TNT … Erin, or Jessica, or whatever her name may be … is that she take that desperate need for love and attention, and find someplace to put it where she will be accepted for who she really is. She’s a brilliant young lady, and needs to channel her talents and energies into something constructive – perhaps even into medicine, since she did such a good job pretending to be one.
As a community, we need to learn from this. First of all, trust and love are never wasted, even when the trust is misplaced. I don’t mean that you should open your wallets to the next Nigerian scam … or agree to meet with an anonymouse in a dark alley after midnight for a cup a tea … what I do mean is that, even if the person you’re responding to with care and love is misrepresenting him or herself, the love is still not wasted. There’s a needy human being at the other end. We all misrepresent ourselves, even when we use our real names – perhaps it’s in something as simple as being silent when we want to speak, or saying something is “OK” when it really isn’t – but at one time or another, we all “go” there. We should still, after all of this, be able to reach out to each other in a love which is tempered by the understanding that we may not always know exactly who it is we’re loving … but that it shouldn’t matter anyway.
Secondly … when I read someone else’s blog, I have no idea if they’re who they say they are, or are doing what they say they’re doing. Very few people have any idea if I’m who I say I am … for all any of you know, I could be, as Dr. Flea speculated before we met, a big hairy biker with tattoos and chains. In order to gain something from blogging, and from belonging to a blog community, we have to suspend disbelief, and ingest the blogs and their posts with a spirit of adventure, and a willingness to expand ourselves. Each thought we absorb which we’ve never considered before is our gain – even if we later reject it. Nothing is wasted, unless we close ourselves off from each other – and then, really, blogging becomes a pointless treadmill exercise.
Now, on a personal note … my inbox is stuffed with over a hundred unanswered emails, and I want everyone to know that I’m really touched by your care and concern. I’m not sure how I’m going to get all of those emails answered … or how long it will take once I begin to do it, since I’m going to be very busy for the next couple of days with finals, a new course, and my dear mother-in-law, whom I love to distraction, sick in the hospital. I just wanted everyone to know that I’ve seen the comments, read the emails – and that some of you touched me deeply enough to help me through a box of tissues over the last couple of days. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
September 2nd, 2006 at 10:41 am
Moof….Our power as human beings come’s from within. When people lie, distort or try to hurt us it is because they are powerless and are trying to latch on to our strength and beauty. Remember, though, that your power belongs and resides in you. Self doubt, shame, and being hurt by other’s actions cause you to doubt and diminissh your power. Don’t let it.
September 2nd, 2006 at 10:54 am
Moof – I know I’m relieved that you have made this post. It’s enough to know that you are OK.
I did wonder if you were going to compare the IP numbers – as it seemed the most practical thing to do. It is very difficult to be truly anonymous on the internet.
Good luck with your exams – and you have my best wishes and intentions for your family issues.
Regards – Shinga
September 2nd, 2006 at 11:04 am
Moof, OK, I just wanted to hear something from you. I also was wondering about the IP addresses. You have to know that she was one smart 18 year old. She fooled everyone, not just you. Look at all the doc’s who accepted her and added her to their links already. I hope she finds what she is looking for and that she can stop pretending to be someone she is not.
I’m sorry about your MIL being ill and I hope that all works out with your family. Take care and find some time to rest.
September 2nd, 2006 at 11:42 am
Thanks for the post,dear Moof. And I know you are who you say you are or you wouldn’t have written the sensitive and caring post you did.
Be well,
Ian
September 2nd, 2006 at 12:30 pm
My dear sweet Moofie Dew. Please please take care of you while you’re taking care of your mother in law. You know how I worry about you as it is.
I agree about TNT …either she’s who she said she is, and she deserved our trust, or she’s desperate, and deserves our compassion.
My heart is still very broken over the situation.
I think, I can handle it better than if it was a you, Cathy, or a few others that I’d connected to for quite a while.
Please make sure you get lots of rest while you’re doing everything else to take care of your dear MIL and studying and worrying about your blog family …And Moof … I’m praying for you!
September 2nd, 2006 at 12:33 pm
I’m glad your doin ok, or as ok as you can be in the circumstances…. I hope your MIL..gets better and will include her in my prayers… don’t worry bout answering my e-mails cause you already did in this post…hugs to you.. and don’t stress to much over your finals.. your one smart lady.. you’ll do great!!!
September 2nd, 2006 at 12:41 pm
Moof:
I won’t call you “sweet Moofie Dew,” (although I have thought it at times), but your handling of this situation shows that, although we don’t really know who each person is in this community, we do learn a lot about them. You have shown the ability to look beyond the superficial and to the heart of the matter. That is, in fact, why this community is so attractive. People do show themselves, even if under a pseudonym. Let me say that I accept you, even though you are a biker and are making this whole test thing up.
I have, by the way, chosen the other road – to use my real name and allow people to look me up if they want. I know there are dangers in that, but figure it keeps me away from the temptation to wander from the truth (although wandering from reality is a hobby).
Rob
September 2nd, 2006 at 12:57 pm
Dear Moof, Please know that you and your family are in my prayers.
September 2nd, 2006 at 1:56 pm
Ok, there you are. Very busy indeed, take your time Moof. It’s good to read something from you. Take care. :)
September 2nd, 2006 at 3:14 pm
Moofie,
I been busy as heck (and due to interviewing I took my site offline temporarily) but I wanted to let you know that I have been coming by and have read everything going on and all I can say is: I love ya. God Bless ya and take care of ya and in a few days normalcy will return.
Your friend,
Fug
September 2nd, 2006 at 4:34 pm
I’m sorry this happened to you. I was pulled in by my own “TNT” a few years ago. Our friendship lasted over a year and I was deeply crushed by the revelation that 99% of what she said was fiction. We all need to be very careful where we place our trust! Thanks for posting the follow up and take care of yourself.
September 2nd, 2006 at 4:44 pm
Moof, a whole lot of things going on for you, take care of yourself. I hope all works out well.
Your generosity of spirit, your ability to look beyond the personal hurt you must have experienced truly amazes me. An example to us all.
September 2nd, 2006 at 5:02 pm
Maybe if I hadn’t had the pleasure of meeting you, I might think you are a biker with chains and tatoos…hehheh…. :)
But I know you are not. You are a beautiful lady with a tremendous spirit and the capacity to love. I am in awe of you. Truly.
I must admit I am very upset about this whole situation. I feel a need to defend you…to protect you. But, I guess that is MY problem. You feel differently about what has happened with this whole TNT thing. And I must respect that. But I am still angry….sorry. I can’t help myself!
I hope that your mother in law (?Althea) is Ok…I know how much she means to you. I am sure that Sarah and
Daein will be a source of joy and support for you now that they are there….I am sending my good thoughts and wishes your way. Take good care, my friend (((((HUG))))
September 2nd, 2006 at 10:49 pm
Dear Moof,
I love the spirit in which you have taken things.
I have only one thing to say …people like TNT are the exception than the rule. Deep inside we are all aware of this but sometimes the idea needs to reinforced. Living, talking, communicating, sharing and opening your heart out is all about trust and belief. Most of us are real but we should be also aware that some of us are just names, especially when we are on the web.
September 2nd, 2006 at 11:51 pm
Thank you for the update, Moof. Another post that has left me in awe! No matter who you are, you have a beautiful spirit. It takes a very special person to be able to look at the TNT situation as you are, especially with all that you’re dealing with right now.
I hope your final goes well, and I hope that you’re getting all the support you need.
September 3rd, 2006 at 6:18 pm
[...] somehow, i needed closure. this post made things final. she was a fraud who had to much time and writing talent in her hands. i do not know what to feel towards her, and i don’t know why i allowed myself to be so disturbed by the whole thing. [...]
September 3rd, 2006 at 8:01 pm
Moof you are an amazing person. Thank you for sharing your spirit with us.
September 3rd, 2006 at 11:43 pm
Hey Moof,
If you really ARE a biker, can I have a ride?
I must be getting older, I have this urge to be on a Harley before I die, and trust me, you would never know it to look at me! LOL!
September 4th, 2006 at 11:13 am
A Faux Blogger and her predecessors
I found Medical Pathetical through Flea. As did Moof. I wrote about A Call for Healing. And Moof felt very close to TNT, Medical Pathetical’s author.This sweet, bubbly, humorous, intelligent, irrepressible little lady had become the front and center of
September 4th, 2006 at 3:39 pm
Moof, you know that every reader loves and respects you. We admire your bravery as well as your honesty. Don’t let problems like TNT, family illness and tough courses let you down! We all admire your guts!
September 4th, 2006 at 8:47 pm
I am so humbled by your honesty in this post and, well, every post. I believe in YOU.
September 4th, 2006 at 9:03 pm
your ability to forgive TNT and embrace her with her problems is amazing to me. i am totally unlike you, but i will get there. thanks for dropping by my blog, for the thoughtful words, and for sharing your story.
September 4th, 2006 at 10:39 pm
I know you are busy, but I miss you.
September 4th, 2006 at 11:12 pm
Hey Moof,
I guess I just wanted to say something. I’ve really appreciated the kindness and compassion you always show, despite a difficult life history that you’ve had. You are an example to all.
I did want to say one thing though. You said on May’s blog, that we need to not have anger or mistrust. About the anger, I agree. We must forgive other people, love them, and hope for their best. But forgiveness does not require that we trust them again, at least not until they’ve good and well proven that they can be trusted.
Trusting a person that has proven harmful is only giving that person the power to harm again. It also sends a message that they can get away with harmful behavior.
This is why justice is far superior to vengeance. Justice assumes the best good for everyone. In a just world, rehabilitation of criminals is the goal, but if that can’t be accomplished then simply placing them where they can cause the least harm to themselves and others is the second best thing. In a world of vengeance, punishment – making sure the perpetrator feels the pain they’ve inflicted and perhaps more, is the goal.
Justice does not necessarily trust the criminal, but it is not angry. Our world, of course, is far from just but we should strive for that ideal.
September 5th, 2006 at 12:49 pm
Peace everyone …
I’m overwhelmed by the support – in the form of comments and emails – from so many. For one bad experience, look at how many good people came into here to reach out and comfort …
A lot of people are still angry … and a lot of people are talking about not being able to trust again. That makes me feel bad, because anger and distrust most hurt those who are experiencing it – rather than those it’s aimed at. It’s like injuring ourselves over the insult caused by another person. The sooner it’s resolved, the better.
Amka is right in that sometimes, trust can be harmful. I think it can be harmful when it’s misplaced … for example, I wouldn’t trust a 10 year old to do an appendectomy, or a spammer to sell me a bridge. Being in a blog community and knowing someone only through writing makes that moot … since you’re trusting an idea, a concept, an impression left by the words you’ve read.
We’ve learned that sometimes the words aren’t true … but I’m not going to stop reaching into the blog-bucket and pulling out more words and trusting them enough to make the blog experience worthwhile simply because every now and then, I run across a few that aren’t trustworthy. If I did that I would never blog – or do much of anything else – because there will be at least some little bit of dishonesty wherever we look.
And so far as justice is concerned … I agree that people who harm others should be prevented from doing so, but that’s not really justice, it’s enforced restraint …
… but I believe that justice itself should be tempered with mercy … and caution should be tempered by a willingness to stretch ourselves just a bit beyond our comfort zones … that way, when our trust is well placed, we gain a friend … and when it’s not, we gain wisdom.
I’m still working on answering emails … it may take a bit yet. I’m also working on a post … not sure when I’ll be done.
Thank you so much …
September 5th, 2006 at 3:03 pm
Hi Moof — I’m finally catching up with everything that’s happened over the past several days (having been busy with in-law matters of my own).
Thanks for your insight into this whole mess; even more, thanks for your ability to remain so compassionate throughout everything. You’re truly an inspiration.
A
September 6th, 2006 at 4:01 am
This will be my final post, and then I shall vanish into the night. Somehow, and I’m not quite sure how, someone discovered my “secret/online” identity and notified people that I was in fact, not a doctor, but an 18 year old college student. Yes, it’s true. The Naked Tomato has been canned. When I was younger, I was a “cutter”, and it was I who carved words into my legs., not a rapist, though I did use that story to my advantage when I was able. Despite pretending to be from Ireland, it is still my dream to live there someday, a dream I’ve had for quite a while. You may very well ask yourself why I would make this confession in public, and the answer is simple. I lied, and hurt people in the process. So to those whom I hurt, Flea, Moof and everyone else, I wish to apologize. That being said, it’s time for me to take my leave and try to make something of myself in the real world. Perhaps our paths shall cross again, perhaps not. Either way, I wish you all the best. I shall not be back to check posts, as I feel this would put me in jeopardy of lapsing back into my fantasy world. Thank you all. Now back to my Guinness.
September 6th, 2006 at 6:49 am
Hi Moof, just stopped by to say hello. I saw the most recent comment this morning by a person claiming to be “Medical Pathetical.” I could play into the hands of this obvious imposter by saying that I’m angry, but I won’t. What I will say is that I appreciate your big heart and hope you get back to blogging soon.
September 6th, 2006 at 7:27 am
Hi Moof, Like Dr. A., I just stopped to say hello. I miss you! I hope you have a great day and that you ignore the most recent post from whoever it is…
September 6th, 2006 at 8:33 am
Wanted to also pop over to say hi and also to send love and hugs!!
September 6th, 2006 at 10:13 am
Hi Moof–I just stopped by to say hi . . .I miss you! Your are an awesome woman and an inspiration to us all! T
September 6th, 2006 at 3:18 pm
Just letting you know I’ve been here, too.
September 6th, 2006 at 6:04 pm
I popped by too! Hope all is going well for you.
September 6th, 2006 at 10:45 pm
moof,
i cannot agree more whole-heartedly.
responding with love and compassion, even to a person who misrepresents themselves, is never a waste. there is too much distrust in the world. i commend you for staying open and giving. i believe the old adage, that we reap what we sow.
girl
October 25th, 2006 at 5:44 pm
The above comments from your fellow bloggers is a testament to your integrity. I am honored to know you and glad you share my blogworld. People like you more than make up for disturbed people like TNT. Her story is sad, too. Such a waste of talent and energy.
Keep blogging.
I don’t know you very well but I agree with your friends above.
You are special.