Listening With Your Heart
Wikipedia defines listening as:
Hearing, or audition, is one of the traditional five senses and refers to the ability to detect sound.
In human beings, hearing is performed by the ears [...]
Usually when I do web research, I tend to accept basic definitions of this sort … especially since, if I do a bit more research, I find that other “official sources” say pretty much the same thing …
Dictionary.com defines listening as:
lis·ten
intr.v. lis·tened, lis·ten·ing, lis·tens1. To make an effort to hear something: listen to the radio; listening for the bell.
… however, they add a second definition:
2. To pay attention; heed: “She encouraged me to listen carefully to what country people called mother wit†(Maya Angelou).
That shows me that perhaps I shouldn’t take Wikipedia’s definition as complete! Wait! I wonder if Dictionary.com’s definition is incomplete too …
I think that it may well be. I’ve seen evidence that listening is so much more than a sense performed with the ears, or even a way of “paying attention.” I think that some people learn how to listen far more deeply than that … and are attentive to more than just the spoken word …
A young doctor has recently begun blogging. The first part of his blog is mostly about art … and makes me realize that he’s naturally attentive to fine detail, and his heart has learned to find beauty wherever it looks. Sometime in June, his blog changed tone a bit … and we got our first lessons in learning to listen with our hearts:
I told three young women over the phone that they lost their father. I listened patiently as all three broke down on the phone. I listened to their moaning and wailing. I remembered what it felt like to lose my father. Each call lasted less then 5 minutes. I never met these women in person. I never spoke to any of them again. Each one of them has left an indelible mark on my soul. I have never experienced grief so pure or innocent. And I will always feel responsible for that grief.
Gradually, the lessons became more poignant … they were living parables of what it means to listen with everything you are:
She usually was confident, stood tall, commanded the room. But when I ran into her in the hallway, after coming back from vacation, she was different. She wasn’t standing as tall and her shoulders were hunched mildly forward. She was leaning slightly to the right. As she smiled to say hello I could see that her posture was betraying her. Immediately I knew that her mother had died. As I offered my condolences she looked at me with confusion, she hadn’t told anyone in the office yet.
There is a lot of information in the subleties of gesture and mannerisms. They convey unspoken words if we are able to pick up on them.
I couldn’t seem to get Mrs. W out of my mind. Nothing made sense. Her marked physical deterioration should have an obvious physiologic cause….but it didn’t. I found myself deep in thought as my next patient walked into the office. As he came in I felt my whole demeanor change. He was a large man and very physical. I could almost feel his need to take up space. For the first time in years I actually felt threatened in my own office. This was a new sensation to me. I quietly took a history and examined him. I diagnosed him with a simple upper respiratory infection and was about to send him out when he said, “By the way…thank you for caring for my wifeâ€. I quickly looked at the demographic page and with shock and horror realized that although they had different last names, this was Mrs. W’s husband. I quickly excused myself from the examining room and almost ran to my office. I called Mrs. W who answered the phone and seemed pleasently surprised to hear from me. I asked immediately, “so how long as he been abusing you?â€, There was a long paunse and then, “Dr. G. I……….â€. And then she hung up.
I don’t want to embarrass this fine young physician, but I would like to hold him up as an example to all of us - those who are in the medical profession, and those of us who need to learn to listen to our husbands, wives, children … the lost and demoralized co-worker … the unknown woman at the grocery store with the tear streaks on her face …
Listening … with the soul. Feeling the unspoken communications … hearing the sound of the hand that never dares reach out for the simple, but desperately needed, comfort of an understanding heart.
Thank you, my new blogging friend, for reminding us how important it is to listen … and to love.
Please - go and discover this wise young man’s blog.
July 7th, 2006 at 5:04 am
Lovely topic, Moof.
Yes, we need to listen with our heart, to empathize all imaginable emotions people are going through. However, only those with pure heart can really feel.
By the way, the founder of wikipedia himself said not to cite his site when in doubt. :)
July 7th, 2006 at 6:57 am
Hi Moof,
I went to visit that fine blog. I enjoyed it. You make an excellent point. Listening is so much more than just with our ears. It is paying attention to the things someone DOESN’T say. There is an artform to being a great listener, in my opinion. Learning to read between the lines is something we all can do a little better. At least I know I can! :)
July 7th, 2006 at 8:05 am
moof you certainly know how to hit the bullseye. he does listen with his soul. so glad you found him and alerted us fellow bloggers to his wonderful words. thank you
July 7th, 2006 at 9:42 am
Amen.
July 7th, 2006 at 1:01 pm
Moof–what a lovely tribute! I have thought much the same things in reading Jordan’s posts over the last—what? two weeks?–since you brought him to our attention; but my thoughts had remained unfocussed until I read your post this morning. You distill the essence of them beautifully. Thank you for that. Listening with the heart is something we all can be better at, and his example teaches us how. We are fortunate that he is also such a good writer. I am so glad you discovered and shined a light on him. Bless you, Moof! You do good work.
July 7th, 2006 at 1:47 pm
Ipanema! Thank you for visiting and leaving a comment! About the founder of Wikipedia … I wasn’t “in doubt” … I was trying to build on a point. Took me a while to find just the right reference. ;o)
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Pattie! It’s so good to see you again … I can really tell when you’re not around. Are you moved in yet? I bet you’re exhausted!
Listening is an action word … unlike hearing, which is passive, and happens to anyone without impaired hearing. Listening involves a level of interpretation that goes beyond the ears … and even the eyes. We have to listen with all of our senses … and then we need to toss in our memories, experiences, and our hearts.
Once we’ve done all of that, we’re on the road to really listening to what people are trying to convey.
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DP … eloquently said. Thank you for the affirmation.
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Tundra PA, thank you so much for your kind words.
I’d like to bask in them, but you know, it’s not me who is doing the “good work” … it’s people like Dr. Grumet. All I’ve done is notice. His “good work” would have shone on its own as more people discovered him … I was just a small catalyst.
July 7th, 2006 at 3:36 pm
As always, you have a way of bringing the beauty and wisdom to things. I, too, have enjoyed Jordan’s posts a great deal.
July 8th, 2006 at 5:53 pm
When I first started reading Jordan, I was shocked (in a good way) by the intensity of these postings — something I have not ran into yet in my blog travels. But, each blog has it’s own personality and I have grown to appreciate Jordan more and more. Thank you.
February 20th, 2007 at 1:01 am
Hi,
My mom is 67. She started experiencing the Snausea about five years ago. She also did not realize how many others are experiencing this same issue unil I found this blog. I would like to mention some habits. Smoking/Coffee using splenda and the sneezing usually happens on an empty stomach.
She is a type two diabetic, high Cholesterol, High blood pressure, acid reflux and anxiety.
Medications: Vytorin, amitripyline, actos, Quinaretic, 81mg asprin, omeprazole daily. I have emailed discovery health to see if they can help out this this question as to why?