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TJ … and may He bless you too! Do you realize that’s the first time I’ve seen you not add your signature”sign off” “laters … ” ?

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Pattie … thank you for your comment! These are all things which I’ve managed to put behing me over the years, but I feel that people may still be able to get something from the telling.

A physician friend once told that he thought I might have post traumatic stress disorder from my Georgia days, but I really don’t I do. I can see where the circumstances affected my choices in those years just afterward, though … and how those choices, in their turn, affect my life today.

About forgiving ourselves … very important. The internal stuff is far more affective on how we feel than the external stuff is. Once we’ve wiped away the grunge that has been splattered onto us by others, we still have to face whatever is underneath it all.

I hope you’re not exhausting yourself with your moving! Let us know how things are going …

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Dr. Engel, it’s always good to see you. Thank you for stopping in and leaving a comment. I find your concept of shame very interesting. I wonder how much of the damage we do to ourselves is borne from that very same sense of shame … ?

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Wolfbaby, my dear friend, you said: “It sounds like you have managed to overcome that so all i can say is thank you for sharing, and I hope that you have found peace within yourself concerning this.

Yes, I have “managed to overcome” it, and I was only a little hesitant to share it … because whatever we give away of ourselves alters other people’s perceptions of us. I’m not any different now than I was before I shared it …

Yes, I’ve learned to fear exposure just a bit because of the lesson you shared. No one wants to be labeled a “victim” when they’ve struggled hard to overcome their broken places. It makes all of the efforts seem pointless … although they are not.

I felt that sharing was worth the risk if it encouraged anyone else in any way.

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Dr. Hebert … I can always count on you for a breath of fresh air! *LOL*

You make some excellent points, and I hope you don’t mind if I incorporate those ideas into my own repertoire! :o)

I laughed out loud when I read: “I never would have pegged you as a person living in a trailer in Georgia” … ahhh, my friend, the truth is so often stranger than fiction. More to come over the next few months on that score …

Sometimes the surface can be deceptive in more than one way.

I remember that awful time, so many years ago, suddenly finding myself “in the system,” and raging silently against those who so quickly and simply dropped me into that unkind little niche, circumstances notwithstanding, that I wasn’t like that …

… and even as all that I am rebelled against their categorizations, I never realized until many years later that in the process, I was categorizing myself - and so many others.

It was not the first time I learned a lesson about how inaccurate our impressions of others might be … and it wasn’t the last.

Thanks so much for your comment. You’ve given me a lot to think about.

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Ipanema, that was beautiful … thank you so much for visiting me, and for saying such thoughtful, kind words. I’ve got to say that I’m a bit in awe of your life, as little of it as I’ve been able to read on your blog. Welcome to the blogosphere … I hope that we can get to know each other through this amazing media.

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Cathy, looking back, the worst of it was definitely the loss of my daughter. I’ve been searching for the things I wrote while she was gone, and I haven’t managed to put my hands on them yet. If I do, I’ll blog about them. To this day, I don’t believe I’m capable of expressing the depth of the agony a parent feels when they believe they’ve lost a child — for any cause.

All of this happened long before there were laws against parents leaving a state and going into hiding with their children. Every time I hear about a parent on the run with a child which was taken away from them in a divorce, I wonder what the truth behind the story really is — and what agony the parents both face when they’re separated from their babies. My heart dies another little death with each new case.

Thank you for your kindness Cathy. *hugs!*

It must have been horrifying, not knowing if you would ever find your child again. I can’t pretend to know how you felt during all of it.

You know Moof, the things we endure is what molds us into the people we become. “Without suffering, there would be no compassion.” You suffered so much pain, caused by other people, but it has made you into this very caring compassionate person we know today. If any good came from all those horrifying things that was surely it…:)

Sorry for what you’ve endured. Anyway, everything will be alright.

I’m new in blogging, but you’re one of those few people I find easier to talk to. Yes, if you believe in “good vibes”, you have that.

I keep coming back to your blog these past 2 days but I don’t know what to write after reading these. Anyway, I’ve finally found words.

Bless you! Remember, scarred people are beautiful. :)

More seriously, I think people tend to psychoanalyze abusive situations too much. I can’t crow here, because when I get depressed I go into analysis mode myself. But it may be more instructive to think about abusive situations from an anthropological or even evolutionary standpoint.

In a tribal society, a person would choose a mate who is most likely to insure his or her survival, and the survival of children. From that standpoint, it is obvious that a woman would be attracted to an athlete. Strength and physical fitness mean a lot when it comes to providing for a family.

Any woman, no matter how refined, could still have a vestigial attraction to an alpha male. Alpha males tend to be aggressive, domineering, even abusive. But it is a reasonable strategy (although maybe not a correct one) to choose a mate who is strong and aggressive. A bad boy may be tough to live with, but he will fight off the enemies.

This kind of cave man philosophy may not appeal to you. But it is very possible that many women who choose abusive husbands are not choosing to be abused, they are just picking partners they think will likely be good protectors. As I said, it is flawed thinking, but not dumb.

I base my understanding of people on the idea that all people are trying to survive. Some pick good survival strategies, some pick poor ones. This is not the same as saying that people are faulty. It is their decisions that are wrong, and this is not same thing.

Perhaps you could say “I made a wrong decision, but I did have a reason for it. I was just trying to survive.” Maybe this is an easier way to look at things than saying, “I am self-destructive.”

Thanks for the post.

First of all, I am sorry that you had to endure 5 years of abuse at the hands of another person. I cannot imagine the pain and terror of being abused. I am also sure it must be hard to talk about it, so thank you for putting yourself out there. Abuse is not an easy thing to discuss, particularly when it brings back such painful memories.

I think you make an excellent point. I think it is MUCH harder to forgive ourselves when we blame ourselves for something. The mind is a powerful force to be reckond with. You are the victim, yet, you also become the judge and the jury against yourself, and those voices are harder to ignore.

I am glad you got yourself out of a bad situation, and I look forward to reading your other blog. I truly hope that you have broken the cycle now….I hope you have. I admire your strength and courage. You are a special lady. *hug*

God Bless You.