The Many Faces of Sexual Abuse
In the last few weeks, the subject of sexual abuse has come up repeatedly. When Peggikaye wrote and told me about her fear of having given away her “secret” on her blog, I offered to write about my own experiences with abuse as a child, and gently lead her to write her own story alongside mine … because there’s strength in numbers, and healing in honest release.
So Peggikaye took a deep breath and plunged! She and I wrote about the abuse we suffered as children, and posted it for the world to see:
Now, there’s no more need to hide … in the openness of daylight and fresh air, the healing can begin.
I thought that would be the end of it, however a few days later, I got another email from a friend and fellow blogger. She had also experienced sexual abuse as a child. Her own story, however, was quite different. Like myself, she had already healed from its effects, but unlike myself – she wasn’t allowed to reap the rewards of her healing and hard work. She asked for the anonymity of posting her story on my blog. Of course, I agreed.
And so … we posted yet another perspective on child abuse and its ongoing negative effects – this time caused by a thoughtless medical professional, rather than the abuser …
Finally, in the completely unrelated venue of my college classroom, a fellow classmate mentioned his own abuse as a child. I was beginning to feel as if I was experiencing a bit of “déjà vu.” I replied to his post, giving him the address to this blog. That started yet another intensely affective conversation on abuse from still different perspectives …
This seems to bring the matter full circle, completing what Peggikaye started with her email – afraid, and still wanting to hide after all of these years … all the way to a concerned father asking how he can prevent such a thing from happening to his own son or daughter.
I have a feeling that there are yet perspectives unexplored. Child sexual abuse is abuse that doesn’t stop with the end of the actual offense. There’s a tremendous need for healing which only comes when a person is able to break out of the cycle of shame and fear.
And then, there’s the label: victim of molestation! Is there any way to not be defined by that label once the victims have picked themselves up out of the mud and filth, picked up the shattered pieces of their lives, faced the pain and anger, and through immense, almost superhuman effort, restored their self respect and reestablished their sense of self worth? Will people continue to try to steal their hard earned healing away from them with a label which is now unjust and untrue … a label that makes a mockery of their efforts and success?
No, the story isn’t fully told yet. It will continue … if not on this blog, then elsewhere – in the blistered hearts of so many people who’ve suffered in the dark silence of a seemingly endless struggle against shame and fear. And even when the victory over the waking nightmare is won, those newly healed hearts will break again when confronted by the doubters and naysayers, the arrogant patronizers who would steal away whatever good can be salvaged from the wreckage of broken lives and bitter truths.
June 10th, 2006 at 6:41 pm
you are an extremly gifted and talented writer moof, beatiful piece of work!!
June 11th, 2006 at 9:04 am
As Wolfbaby says, it is a beautiful piece of work. Thank you for encouraging me to join you, and to share my story and to be a part of this. You, are a blessing, dear Moof!
June 12th, 2006 at 10:13 am
Telling your story is so important. It helps you to heal, and gives others the courage to share as well. When we realize we are not alone, something magical happens. It transforms and transcends.
June 12th, 2006 at 5:14 pm
you are brave to share…and a great writer.
thank you.
June 12th, 2006 at 6:47 pm
I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog since I discovered it recently. I love the work you’re doing here. Thanks for sharing and for helping our friend, Peggikaye. You may know (or not) that she’s participating in a cyber event I’m hosting–the blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. I know that I’m new to your blog, but I really like what I see and think your words can help many people (I’m sure they already are). Would you consider joining our carnival and linking one of your posts? The details are at my blog. Thanks for considering!
June 13th, 2006 at 10:16 am
you are a great writer moof and may I add also a wonderful, courageous blog friend. you and peggikaye are brave souls.
June 13th, 2006 at 6:43 pm
Yes, there is strength in numbers indeed. Thank you, Moof.
June 14th, 2006 at 12:14 am
Wolfbaby … you’re a sweet heart! And you’re too kind! This sort of thing writes itself, you know?
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Pk … you are the one who started all of this. It was time for you to step forward, and take your place, and begin to let your pain go so that you can continue to grow into a Wounded Healer …
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Deb … thank you for dropping in and leaving a comment. I like the way you said that: “When we realize we are not alone, something magical happens. It transforms and transcends.” That’s so true. That feeling of aloneness … especially when you’re carrying that sort of pain … is a terrifying place to be. It warps how you see and react to everything.
Realizing that others actually have empathy for our experience lightens the load exponentially.
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oncRN, thank you so much for dropping in and leaving a comment. You have a very nice blog yourself.
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Marj, thank you. I have gone over and applied. I’m impressed with your blog … it’s a great thing you’re doing!
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Kt … thank you for dropping in and leaving such a kind comment. I’ve been over to your blog … TWO of you in these comments are Oncology nurses!
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Barbados Butterfly, thank you for stopping in and leaving me a comment. I’ve just gone over and taken a look at your blog, and I have no idea how I missed you before. Thank you for introducing yourself!
June 14th, 2006 at 1:44 am
Hi Moof, I often read your thoughtful comments on other folks’ blogs, and I finally made it to your site. I wanted to thank you for your post, and Peggikay’s, too.
I’m glad that you have found peace with your past. It is something that I still struggle with on a daily basis. You are inspiring to me because many of the things that you dealt with successfully are the exact things that still haunt me (e.g., the guilt for not having stopped, the strained relationship with my parents due to their reaction).
Perhaps I will follow your brave example and blog about my experience, too.
Thank you!
June 16th, 2006 at 12:38 am
Your’ words compressed my heart and tore at the conscience of my soul, but I’ve been there, too, and until many years of therapy suddenly opened a door on a verdant sunlit green, where I was able to view all the horros in from a different perspective (sans terror, fear, guilt, saddness, abandonment), there was no way to stop being abused over and over by life experiences.
The two of you have provided just what we need–a path to enlightening others who must step forth and be willing to speak out, and for the abused, and the survivors. As I’ve said many times, if anyone “on the street did just one of the acts we’ve experienced, they’d be sought out, arrested, and if identified by the victim, tired in a court of law.” Maybe we can begin to removed this stain on society–at least in our corners of the world. Thank you, and twelve hugs to you both.
June 18th, 2006 at 2:31 am
Moof, I have read all the others but I just now read this most recent post. It is so beautiful, just like your beautiful heart!
June 18th, 2006 at 11:25 pm
ROS, thank you for your very kind words. I sincerely hope that you are also able to find the peace that you’re looking for. You have a very supportive community behind you if you decide you’re able to blog about it. Please let me know.
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Upsflyin, thank you for visiting me, and leaving a comment. I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. Your own work on your web site is also very brave, and very important. I hold you in admiration.
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Cathy, you’re really sweet. I’m just me … just a Moof. I’m not really doing anything more than what anyone else can do if they want. Thank you …
June 22nd, 2006 at 4:43 pm
So many of us have been abused. We are a community we would never have chosen to be part of had we been asked. But we are here and we can support each other. And when others express doubt about such things happening we can gently (or not so gently) tell them that it does and we know because it happened to us.
June 22nd, 2006 at 9:23 pm
April, yes, it does, indeed, happen. Amazing how many humans down through the years and ages and eons, have treated other humans as if they were worth less than themselves.
How can you value a human life? Can you assign more value to one life than another?
You’re right, April … now we’re here to support each other. There’s nothing that makes a heart care more than seeing itself mirrored in another person.
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