Tale of a Geriatric “Beauty Queen”
My regular readers might remember a post I made back in December about the Red Hat Society chapter I belong to. In that post, I said the following:
Yes, I confess, I’m a Red Hat. Among the many paradigms I’ve broken in the last two years, this is the one that amazes me the most! In fact, thanks to the Red Hats and a story which I might get up the gumption to tell you at a later time *blush* … I can say that I’ve lived long enough to be an embarrassment to my kids! But that’s another story … all I’ll say for now is: even old ladies like me can enter bathing suit contests … *smirk!*
Well, I’m ready to tell the story - for those who are brave enough …
I belong to a group of Red Hats. For those who’ve never heard of us, we’re a group of older ladies who meet socially, like at restaurants, at regular intervals. Our groups number anywhere from ten girls, up to bevies of three dozen, and we dress in purple clothing, complimented by red hats - hence the name. And yes, I agree, you can’t really say that a red hat compliments a purple dress, but … I digress.
At my very first “meeting” with these dear old gals, the acting “Queen” marched up to me during the lunch, and announced that since I was the “new kid on the block,” that I would be their candidate for the “bathing suit” contest, which was to be held a few months later up at Waterville Valley Resort in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. All eyes were upon me, as I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat. Mind you, I was the “baby” of the group, feeling more than a little like a new kid in an already established kindergarten class … and I wasn’t quite sure if the lady standing in front of me was “pulling my leg” or really meant business. When all of the other girls smiled smugly at me and applauded, I felt my mercurial blood pressure hit notes that would have made my nephrologist call a code on me.
In a panic, I made the suggestion that, since we were called the “Red Hats,” that we should all just draw a name from a nice red hat, after all, there was no dearth of red hats in the room; I continued, saying that we could send the poor unfortunate whose name was drawn off to be our bathing beauty. — Dead silence filled the room as every eye watched me warily, each one, I’m certain, imagining what would happen if their name were drawn.
When the sound resumed again, I could tell that my suggestion had been rejected, since they were already making plans on how they would “dress” me. It looked very much as if I were about to be their offering on the altar of geriatric beauty queens. Oh.my.goodness!!! *sigh*
Arrangements were made, and over the next few months, I visited one of the Red Hat ladies once a week as several of these sweeties applied their sewing skills toward making me a costume for the contest. The theme was centered around bathing suits down through the years, beginning with the era of the flappers. The very creative (and talented) ladies who were working on my costume decided that it would come … or rather, come OFF … in four layers.
The initial layer was a bright red cloak, which I would wear onto the stage. The cloak would come off, leaving me in the hand stitched outfit. The outer layer was going to be bloomers with a full length top, which would have velcroed seams, and be able to be removed easily. The middle layer would be something akin to shorts, also velcroed together for easy removal … and the underlayer would resemble a full modern day bathing suit, but of the same shiny, glitzy red and purple (hey! We’re Red Hats!) material the other two layers were made from.
Week after week, they stitched, pricked me with needles, and used me like a manikin. We got to know each other rather well, and I found that I was becomming quite fond of my group of seamstresses.
As all of this was going on, I was intensely conscious that if were to fudge on my regular salt-free diet, even just a bit, that all of their work would come to nothing. If I’m not worried about being a little, um, “puffy” around all of my edges (and most of my middles too,) I’ve been known to sneak a bit of something salty now and again. I knew that I couldn’t do that, or the velcro seams would never hold together - in fact, there was a good chance they might not even meet! I had to spend the last 6 weeks of the summer adhering very strictly to my salt-free diet. Bummer!
Finally, the big week end was upon us! We car pooled up to Waterville Valley, and settled ourselves into a nice little condo right on the square. With 7 of us sharing the condo, the price was amazingly inexpensive.
I hadn’t travelled much since all of my health problems had begun. Earlier that spring, my son and I had driven down to PA to spend time with some friends, and that had knocked the wind out of me, but I though that this relatively short ride (about 3 hours) to Waterville Valley would be a piece of cake! I wasn’t even driving! However, the preparation and the trip were a bit much, and I missed some of the first day we were there, since I had to spend a good part of it resting. I was worried about not being able to do the bathing suit contest the next day, but I had regrouped enough by that evening to live up to the promise I’d made to our group: I would make them all of the Grateful Deads and Margaritas (from scratch) that their tipsy little hearts desired.
The next day, I was a nervous wreck. All of the participants dressed in the basement of the main building, with the help of their Red Hat sisters. I was amazed at the creativity (and boldness!) of my competition! This was going to be a tough act!
To my relief, the costume actually reached around me, and was even a bit loose. My bevy of Red Hat sweeties worked hard to make me look like a right and proper flapper - complete with the brightest lipstick I’ve ever seen (I don’t wear make-up!) … a drawn beauty spot on my cheek … and more rouge than a tart on a street corner!
I was #5, and I was terrified!
From the moment I set foot on the stage, however, I forgot my fright, and simply began to have a good time - much to my amazement. I could no longer hear the music (The Stripper, from the Big Band Era) or the announcer, and I couldn’t see the crowd, although they were all around me. I went through my little run flawlessly, inserting (quite) a bit of humor, and hamming it up with each wave of screams as I removed yet one more layer. With the last layer, I actually got a wildly raucous standing ovation. This was a lot like too much fun!
I have to admit that I paid for all the excitement the very second I got off the stage … and was intensely relieved that I had not eaten anything since the day before! It didn’t take me long to regroup though.
Once all 18 of us bathing beauties had each done our little numbers, they lined us back up onto the stage. The two gentlemen and the lady who were appointed as judges had already made their decision. They were in their early twenties, and staff members at Waterville Valley. I don’t know what they’d thought of us old ladies up there - one of us dressed as Miss Piggy, one as Hawaiian Queen “I’awannalaya” … *cough* … none of us younger than 53, with the eldest one being in her mid 80’s. They seemed to have a great sense of humor though, and had apparently survived the trauma of seeing us all up there in various stages of deshabillé.
Third runner up - a lady with a fake celluloid body suit, clad in a string bikini. Hilarious! She must have worked hours on the body suit she wore up there. Second runner up: Queen I’awannalaya … a larger than life, laugh ’til you cry, get-up and routine. I wasn’t at all surprised that she won.
And the winner? You’ll never guess …
I brought home a stuffed Red Hat doll, and a dozen silk purple roses …
… and the realization that I was able to win a bathing suit contest at 53, and that I had lived long enough to be a major embarrassment to my kids! It was alllllll worth it! ;o)
March 19th, 2006 at 10:11 pm
Moof!! I am trying not to fall out of my chair……..so when will the Red Hat Sociaty release this years annual newsletter complete with their official swim suit calander addition?
Seriously, congrats on winning, and if you will pass me the ph # of your chapters prez, I’ll see if she will enter you again next year………lol
March 19th, 2006 at 10:19 pm
I got to see the VIDEO of that performance she put on!! Do I get points for that? Does that make me special or something??
Honestly, she was fantastic and I was so proud of her and not at all surprised that she won first place. I knew she would be the best one there. Her outfit was amazing!
Props to Moofie for posting pics of the event!! Whoo hooo!
March 19th, 2006 at 11:13 pm
Whoa guys! * blush * Thankee! Was just a lot of fun. I have a hard time watching the video … it’s just too embarrassing, although I do admit, it was funny. Poor Sarah had to suffer through it several times … thanks for the props Honey! :-)
And William, dear heart, read my lips … I will never ever ever do anything like that again! *LOL*
March 19th, 2006 at 11:52 pm
Hmmm I thought you had to be 55 to be a true red hatter! ;)
My mother is a Red Hatter …
While I might find the point of the club fantastic, the red hats fabulous … I DETEST the color purple!!!! Mostly due to my mother’s obsession with it (grin) my whole life, I doubt she went a whole day without wearing it until she lost 100 lbs and then someone gave her her wardrobe …sans purple *thank you Joan!!!!!*
When I was 6, we moved into a house that had a tourquoise bathtub, sink and toilet … and my mother decorated it in purple and lavender!!!! My friends would come over and say “Do you KNOW your bathroom is purple and tourquoise?”
Sigh … my mother has been embarrasing me with the color purple since she was in her 20’s!!! You can imagine her joy when she heard about the Red Hatters!!!
March 20th, 2006 at 12:02 am
Ohhhh Peggi! Your mom is a Red Hatter! Tell her I send my best! :-)
You can become a Red Hatter at 50. If you’re younger than 50, you can become a Pink Hatter - they wear pink and lilac instead of red and purple until that big, important FIVE-OH!
I’m sorry you don’t like purple - especially since your mom seems to be obsessed with it!
When I joined the red hats, I didn’t own a piece of purple … in any way shape or form. I especially didn’t like it in clothing. However, my sweet little dauther-in-law’s favorite color is purple, and I’d begun looking out for purple things for her, like purple glass cups or drinking glasses, and the color began to grow on me a bit. After I joined the red hats, I became even more purple conscious, and now I have to discipline myself to walk past something which is purple … because I want every purple thing I see.
I know how you can over your aversion, Peggi … join the Pink Hatters! ;-)
March 20th, 2006 at 1:36 am
I always knew you were a red hat mama!
March 20th, 2006 at 1:59 am
Pink is my favorite color Moof, but they spoil it with the lilac!
If I joined the Pink Hatters, it is time for those around me to consider locking me up for psychiatric evaluation cause I’ve flipped my wig!
At one time I thought, if only they’d allow another color with the Pink or red ..then realized, I’m not even sure I could sit there and LOOK at all those women dressed in purple!!!!
yea … my mom’s obsession did a real job on me! Yes, we had the purple dishes, purple curtains, purple everything …
I grew up in the Mountains of California, in addition to purple wildflowers, there were Manzanita Bushes, …it had purple bark! Can you imagine growing up with small trees with purple bark???
Then our house in Pueblo had 15 Lilac bushes … lol …just …can’t do the purple thing!
I have the feeling that when my sons get married, they’re going to marry girls who like purple and I’m going to be grinning and bearing it at purple weddings! Oh please God! NO!
March 20th, 2006 at 9:42 am
Moof!!!:0
I hope I am as blessed as you when I am 53! You looked amazing! What great photos! Glad you had fun with it, too. It takes alot of courage to get up in front of a group of people, in a bathing suit, no less. What a great story…thanks for being brave enough to share it! :)
p.s. We aren’t going to see you on the front of the next “Red Hat Ladies” swimsuit calender, are we?
p.p.s. I finally figured out how to blogroll…I added you!
March 20th, 2006 at 11:50 am
Thanks for the Blogroll Pattie! Really sweet of you! :-)
The Red Hat fiasco wasn’t something I would have chosen for myself - however, once I thought about it, I realized that I joined them in order to have a good time … and a little “freshman hazing” shouldn’t scare me out of the group. Besides, I thought there would only be other ladies there … I was sadly mistaken! *LOL* You should have seen the cute judges - they were about my kids’ ages! *blush*
As it turned out, I did have a blast … although I would never consent to do it again. My kids would probably disown me! ;o)
March 20th, 2006 at 1:36 pm
So…
If this is an example of your public life, what is your private life like?
mmm?
Anything else you would like to tell us??
*kidding*
Great job. Good fun.
Congratulations!
later…
March 20th, 2006 at 1:41 pm
Yo Fug! I didn’t see you up there! Sorry! *eek!*
I had to laugh (a lot) … “Red HAT Mama” indeed!
Thou art a very “punny” individual, eh what? ;o)
March 20th, 2006 at 1:52 pm
TJ … *eeeeeek!* That’s quite a thought, eh? *LOL*
“Anything else you would like to tell us??”
Well … lemme see …
I have really cute …
Oh wait!
This blog is supposed to be rated “family safe” …
*cough*
j/k … my life is pretty staid. Studies, blogs, having lunch with my mom-in-law … and a monthly meeting with those wild ladies in purple … just about covers it. >:o)
March 20th, 2006 at 4:30 pm
The secret life of the Red Hat Mama….
I’m a staunch admirer of both the Red Hatters and the foundation of the group, so I think this is just marvelous. You pull off that bathing beauty thing REALLY well, m’dear!!
Shel
March 20th, 2006 at 5:03 pm
Hello there Mrs. Franz!
Thank you very much for your kind comments!
Perhaps someday you’ll become a “Red Hat Mama” too … unless you think Mr. Franz would disown you … ;-)
How is Mr. Franz doing these days? Three weeks into this school session, and I’m beginning to think I’m going to need to buy new glasses! *blink blink* I can’t believe the territory we’re covering in such a short span of time!
March 21st, 2006 at 10:17 am
Moof,
I’ve noticed we read several of the same blogs. I just wanted to stop over and see who you were and say hi :D.
March 21st, 2006 at 3:44 pm
Hi Amie! thank you for visiting me! I’ve gone over to see your blog - very interesting! I dropped a note on your “book rating” post, because that’s just the way I think.
I homeschooled my 4 too … good luck! It’s worth it!
January 14th, 2007 at 1:16 am
Moof, you are a scream. Wish I could have seen you strut your stuff!! I keep saying I am going to join the Red Hat Club - there
are several in my area, but keep putting it off. Maybe you have
inspired me to join. YOu know, there is a poem, something about
“when I am an old lady, I shall wear purple, and spit on the
sidewalk, etc” I would bet that poem inspired the name of the
club. Thanks for your offer to help me set up my own blog. Not
sure I am ready for that yet. For now, I think I’ll just enjoy
the blogs of other folk. Cheers!! Keep Red Hattin’. Nora